Ep. 1 - There’s a Landmine in my Happy Marriage

A love story can look solid on the outside and still fracture in the quiet hours. We open up about how a decade of loyalty, drive, and shared goals slowly bent under the weight of identity shifts, corporate pressure, and a move that erased our community. Abby and Megan retrace the path from Bentonville meet-cute to an Atlanta executive apartment where letters on countertops replaced conversations and intimacy turned into red light, green light. It’s raw, sometimes funny, sometimes brutal, and entirely human.

You’ll hear how a health-coaching calling collided with expectations for corporate ambition, why context matters when a couple relocates without their support system, and how small resentments become a script when they’re never named out loud. We talk about the Nashville landmine, the six-point grievance list, and the moment money and control took center stage. There’s also the messier middle: the intermittent tenderness after hard words, the journal that kept reality straight, and the way humor and faith became armor when logic didn’t land.

This story isn’t legal advice. It’s an honest lens on divorce dynamics: the cost of carrying all the blame, the danger of excusing outbursts as one-offs, and the quiet power of documenting, setting boundaries, and choosing yourself without becoming hard. If you’ve ever felt whiplash from mixed signals, you’ll recognize the pattern, and the relief of stepping off the ride. 

Subscribe for more real stories of divorce, resilience, and rebuilding. Share with someone who needs proof they’re not alone, and leave a review to help others find us.

Transcript

Setting The Mission And Tone

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Bitter or Better Real Stories of Divorce and Resilience. The podcast that gets real about the messy middle of divorce and what it takes to come out stronger on the other side. I'm your host, Abby England, marketer, national board certified health and wellness coach, and author of the upcoming book Bitter or Better, and I've personally earned my divorce Kevlar. This podcast isn't legal advice. It isn't tips and tricks and don't forget and hacks and how-tos. There's plenty of other podcasts out there interviewing lawyers, therapists, accountants, all sorts of divorce scientists. This podcast is raw, real conversations with everyday people who have jobs, kids, responsibilities, and commitments, and yet they've weathered the heartbreak, rebuilt their lives, and found unexpected strength along the way. Because while divorce can break you, it can also make you better. You are not alone. Let's hear someone else's story and see what resonates. Can you introduce yourself, please, to the audience? Yeah. My name is Abby England. I am a marketer, a National Board certified health and wellness coach, uh podcast host and producer, and an aspiring author who's working on her lighthearted feel-good divorce memoir. Just kidding. Nothing about the experience was lighthearted or feel-good, like yeah, when you're going through it. But now that some time has passed, um there are some funny moments and things that happened, and I wouldn't really call it like ha ha funny. I'd call it more like WTF funny. Yeah. So, and I think humor just helps you get through times of tragedy. Um, yeah, it can really kind of be a protective layer. Um, so I think humor is important. It's also who you are. I mean, you were one of the funniest ladies I've ever met. One of the funniest. Oh, okay. One of the funniest. Who are these other women that are also in your top five? My other best friends.

unknown 2:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

And you are? Oh, my name is Megan Braza. I'm Abby's best friend. Uh what, going on 15 years now?

unknown 2:24

Wow.

How The Love Story Began

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. You've been through a lot together. Yeah, we have. Through a couple house moves, two marriages, one divorce, two kids, three dogs. Yeah. There's a lot of life. Yeah. Lots of life. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And that's why I wanted you to interview me, is because um one, my therapist said he wouldn't do it. But then also, I called you like every day during the shit storm of it. And uh, you were just there like a lifeline. So I remember, I remember every day. Yeah. So we're gonna laugh. We're gonna cry. Yeah. We're definitely gonna cry. Yeah. So I'm ready. Let's fire away. It's your turn. Yeah. How do you feel about that? I'm nervous. I'm uh yeah, I'm nervous to sit on the other side of the chair and answer the questions. Which I've answered the questions in therapy, like probably hundreds of times. And I've told the story to people, but it's always been in like a three-minute container. Yeah. And now it's aside from my therapist, my lawyer, uh, you and probably my cousin, like I don't know if a lot of people know the the real story of everything that happens. Details, yeah. Yeah. So we're here, and that's what today is for. And what made you want to share all those vulnerable deep details? This whole idea for a divorce podcast that allows everyday people, not therapists, lawyers, accountants, counselors, not divorce scientists. We're just everyday people who have our lives, our jobs are not divorced. Um, we've got other commitments and responsibilities. So some have kids, other things that we want to do, yet we still have to kind of get through life. A guest said that divorce is one of the most traumatic things that someone can go through. And for those of us who are part of Divorce Club, I think we'd all agree, yeah, it's traumatic. Sharing stories of the shit show that can be divorced and knowing that you are not the only one going through it. Um and it's gonna do probably one of two things. You're gonna either hear a story from someone else that resonates really deeply with you, and you're like, yes, I feel that. Or you'll hear someone else's story, and maybe they've got it a little worse than you do. And so you might feel a little grateful for the situation that you're in. So it started with my own story. I wouldn't ask someone to share their story if I wasn't willing to share my own. So I thought it important to set the stage and the con the context and kick off this podcast by sharing my own story of divorce and resilience and how I made a choice every day, bitter or better. Set the set the groundwork and talk about context of um where you guys met, what attracted you to each other. So let's start with where you guys met. Yeah. After grad school, I got a job with Walmart in Bentonville, Arkansas. The last place a 23-year-old would want to go, as you know. Yes. It was a dry county at the time. So you had to go to Fayetteville to go out to go party. But yeah, there was kind of a rookie group of us that started in a specific department, a kind of a new department in Walmart. And I got a really great job out of grad school. Like I was really lucky to get that job. Uh, a coworker was like, Hey Abby, you want to go sit on this project with me? I was like, Yeah, okay, sure thing. And so he took me over to the finance area or finance. Finance, yeah. If you're in finance, you call it finance. But everyone else calls it finance. It's finance. So um, and there was this senior manager of finance who was working on uh a big project for the company. And uh he walked us through his Excel sheet of pivot tables and V lookups and all these things. The keys to your heart.

unknown 7:01

Yeah, right.

Engagement, Values, And Early Marriage

SPEAKER_00 7:03

And I just remember thinking, oh, he's kind of cute, kind of shy, reserved, um, not typically my type. Um, but he's cute. And damn good with an Excel spreadsheet. And pretty pretty good with a pivot table. I think it was then Halloween. So I would have that would have been right when I started, around like summer or late summer of 2008. And then around like Halloween, I was out with a friend. Um, I was dressed as a sexy Holt Hogan, and she was, then she was dressed as a referee. Uh huh. We were out on Dixon Street, and he was he happened to be like also out with his friends, and he was on the other side of the street, and he ran over to where we were, because we were like walking to another bar or something, and he ran over to where we were, and I I was like, Hi! And I gave him like a big tipsy hug, and that kind of broke the barrier between us, and then I'm a pretty social person, and so I would organize a lot of social events for you know the mid-20-year-olds in our in our area, and uh, I would I would invite him to things, so it kind of started as like group hangs. Okay, when did that change? Uh oh yeah, it changed uh at one of those group hangs. We were at Buffalo Wobblings, like sexy place. One of like the four places that you could go in Bentonville at the time. Um, we were at Buffalo Wobblings watching basket college basketball. Okay. And uh like the group had dispersed, um, but he and I were left and I didn't have cable in my apartment. You were 23. I know and uh I think I had a futon. And he was like, Do you want to finish watching the game at my apartment? And I'm like, Yeah, sure, let's go. And so we That was bold. That was bold to the apartment. Yeah. So we need to live like right down the street. So we went back to his apartment and finished watching the game, and he said something, and I just kind of like held the gaze for a second, and he kissed me. Oh, yeah. Okay, and so that would have been the the breaking of the physical barrier. Okay. Not like that. I didn't do that or that night. Not going that deep. Not not that night, but yeah, then that's the night we kissed, and that's when things kind of changed. So you started dating that night. Um uh we started like I I wanted to keep things private because I was still the kind of the new girl at Walmart. And I didn't want to like get a reputation. Correct. And so I wanted to keep things private because he and I actually were on like a project together as well. So you're working together, yeah. Yeah, and so I didn't want it to be like awkward in those meetings with everybody else because everybody else would know, you know, because Benderville's a small town, very small, yes, and it was smaller 17 years ago. Yeah, I wanted to keep things private, and that so I would kind of like refer to him as my special friend. I love that doesn't sound great, but um but and that worked until it didn't, and so we like came out and and formally kind of announced, yeah. I think it was a Saturday morning meeting. Oh more kidding, we were it's an inside joke for Walmartians. Wall Martians. So but we just came out with things and and said that we were dating. So yeah, and then we dated, and that moved into you know getting engaged. Getting engaged and then getting married. Yeah, yeah. So describe what your marriage was like um in regards to like family dynamics, yeah, yeah. Um yeah, I'll I'll say I'll just kind of rewind and say that like the engagement is a perfect story of like the way he thinks. Okay. In that, so we were in Hawaii, and I had like won a trip or something to Hawaii. We were coming back from dinner, like walking along the beach, and it was like dark out, and real kind of awkwardly, he was like, Let's go sit over there on the sand. I'm like, okay. Knowing him, I know this is so funny. Yeah. Like, sure, okay. So we go and sit on the sand, and we're just kind of like nestled in. And I say this, I'm like, tell me a story. And so he goes into a story of how he um uh, you know, after his first divorce, he was married before, but after his first divorce, he found someone energetic and outgoing and extroverted. Found his like what else? Uh-huh. Um and found his best friend, and he asks me to marry him. He pulled out the box, and this is where he's like his personality. He knew it would be dark out, and so he had the jeweler install like a light in the box. Thinking ahead. Thinking ahead. And so, because he knew it would be dark, and he wanted the ring to sparkle. Yep. And so when he opened the box, the light turned on, and that baby sparkled. Yeah, yeah, like a big old ring, and it sparkled. Yeah, but that that's just him. He he he anticipates things, he sees around corners, and that's one of the things that I loved about him and appreciated about him was his ability to see what most people don't. But then we got actually married in St. Louis. I that was important to me as kind of where I'm from. I kind of wanted a bigger wedding with friends and family. I just wanted a party. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

And so it was a great party.

Careers First And The Cost

Health Coaching And A New Calling

The Unnamed Shift

Job Loss And The Atlanta Move

Hidden Landmine In Nashville

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Yes. Um, and then the marriage. I would say so, um, he did have a daughter from a uh a previous relationship, uh a college relationship. Um they never married, um, but then he was married after that to someone else. Um he was divorced when I met him. And that almost gave me a sense of like a safety net. Like he's been divorced already. Yeah, he's been divorced before, and it was actually um from what he shares in a fair situation, uh, infidelity. And so he knows what it feels like to be cheated on, to be left. Um that was a bit of like a safety net for me. Yeah, for sure. And he was so loyal, he got mega points for his loyalty. He he got mega points early on for loyalty. And I compare that against kind of my college boyfriend. He and I went on a backpacking trip after grad school throughout Europe, and it was our last night in Spain, and we had like met some people out that day, and so we were out at a bar with them. Um, and we had to catch a train the next morning to France, and I was tired and just like ready to go home, ready to be in bed. Um, tomorrow's gonna be a long day, but he was life of the party guy. That's that's my typical guy, yeah, is life of the party, and that's who he was, and he wanted to stay out, and so we got into a tiff about it, and I walked home drunk, alone at night, in Barcelona, back to the hostel. I have no idea how I made it back to the hostel. So I'm back at the hostel, and it's like a giant room with just a bunch of bunk beds, and so I'm I I'm in the top bunk. Um, and so I climb into bed and I hear these three French guys walk in and they kind of walk over to my bunk, and one of them starts climbing up the ladder. And luckily, I'd taken four years of French in high school, and so I was like, arete, arete, which means stop. They stopped. Um, somehow I fell asleep or likely passed out. And when I woke up, I had tang, like orange powder. Yeah. Wow. Orange tang powder like all over me. My my hair, my my bed sheets, my clothes, like all over me. So they had tanged me that night, and I like lean over on the the bottom bug, and my boyfriend at the time was sleeping. No tang, nothing. I was livid. Yeah, I was so mad. I just knew that my ex-husband, he wouldn't regardless of like how mad we were at each other, he would never let his girlfriend walk home alone at night in Barcelona. So he got mega points for for loyalty. Yeah. So the marriage, I would say, was pretty easy, I guess. We didn't have kids of our own. I mean, he did have uh his daughter from that relationship. So I was a stepmom. Um, she lived in uh out of state though with her mom kind of full-time, and she would come. She played soccer pretty competitively. Um, and so her schedule was um a little tighter than most kids. But she would come up or we would go down to soccer tournaments and things. But overall, I would say like our careers were really important to us. Yeah. He worked, I worked many, many, many nights were just us on the couch with our laptops open, both working. Like we were really supportive of each other's careers because that was important. Did that impact your intimacy at all? Just being on the computer next to each other all the time? Um, I I think so, but um we were still having sex like a couple times a week. So not all yeah, so I would say it was pretty easy. Okay. There's obviously I won't say obviously, I think hopefully not all marriages, but many marriages have kind of trapdoors, so to speak. Yep. And so there were definitely times where there were fights, of course. There were tempers, there was anger. Um I I think every marriage has that. But and you know, there were moments where things got tough. Like his his mom got really sick. Um, she eventually passed, but she got really sick, and so that was a tough time. And uh I remember being in the house, and everyone had like being in his parents' house, and everyone had like gone into the kitchen for whatever reason, and she and I were still in the living room, and I was about to go into the kitchen with everybody else. Um, and she was sitting in this like blue velvet recliner in their living room, and she's very sick at this point. We all know what's happening, and um, she's in this blue velvet recliner, and she grabbed my forearm kind of as I passed, and she goes, She said, Abby, take care of him. I feel like I did that. I feel like I was you did do that. I feel like I was a good wife. Um so yeah, there were that's how I would describe the marriage. Overall happy, supportive, you know, with with some bumps along the way. Yeah, naturally. Yeah. So I know at Walmart you guys you said you're happy, right? There were some different life changes that happened. Do you want to talk about those now or you want to talk about those um a little bit later? So at Walmart, um, I also, you know, I moved from Walmart to Sales Club when I became a director at Sales Club at age 27. Yeah, yeah, I had never managed a person in my life. And I go from managing zero people to managing a team of 10, who's then responsible for managing 500 people, never managed a budget before and go to tens of million dollars worth of managing a budget. Um I just I didn't know how to lead at that, you know. Typically in your career, you take it like a stair step approach or like ladders, you know, one ring at a time. I feel like I skipped several stairs or several rings of the ladder, and I didn't know how to to to lead at at age 27 at that level. So I did what I what has kind of served me in the past, and I just worked harder and longer, and I didn't know how to delegate at the time, so I just did it all. And I was working myself sick. I didn't see kind of a light at the end of the tunnel. Um there was a huge, huge, huge project that like nearly killed me. And so after it was kind of like implemented um and kind of on its course, I decided to leave. And not everyone has a parachute, but I had one, and that my family owned a um a manufacturing business. And so I had several conversations with my mom and uh you know she had bought it. You know, she's she's a real inspiration. And she had said, why don't you come back and and lead marketing for the company? And so I was able to downshift, left CM's Club, was able to downshift and lead marketing for my family's company. And um which was based in Southern Illinois, and so I had to um those first couple years I was traveling quite a little bit, about like 25% of the time. I typically leave on a Monday and come back on a Thursday, and I did that like twice a week. Yeah. Um those are like the least sexy days of the week, anyway. Right. Just working on the couch together. Right. And so I did that. And then that ratcheted back. After a few years, it was like once every three weeks and then once a month. And then during COVID, it wasn't at all. So it really ratcheted back. But during that time, I got a lot of windshield time because there's not a lot of direct flights out of Bentonyville, Arkansas. So I was driving to Southern Illinois and I got a lot of windshield time. And I just started listening to all these podcasts around health and wellness. I became really interested, isn't even like the right, it doesn't appropriately capture the level of interest that I had in health and wellness. Oh, I remember your smoothies and the PowerPoint you made in how to make the smoothie. Which people asked me about. Yeah, that was my first piece of content. It was. It was great. Yeah. Um, I just it became a passion, like a burning passion, health and wellness. And I would share articles and videos and podcasts and all these things, whether you asked for it or not. Like if you wanted to talk to me about health and wellness, I was like, all right, let's go. Yeah. So I didn't know what to do with this. And then I remember you tagged me on something on Facebook because Facebook was it in the time. That's right. You tagged me on something on Facebook and it was about health and wellness coaching. Oh yes. Yeah. And up until then, I was considering like going back to school to become a functional medicine doctor or a registered dietitian. All those would have taken like 20 years. Like I can't do that. But this health and wellness program, uh health and wellness coaching program, would allow me to stay working and kind of do this nights and weekends. And so I enrolled in that. It was a couple year program, two, two and a half year program. I remember that. You were very busy. Yeah. I was working full-time. Yes. I was studying. I was coaching clients. Like it was, it was a busy chapter. How was the support from your spouse at that point? Oh. Very good. Okay. Yeah. He was totally supportive of it. Because it was expensive. It was like 10 grand to enroll in this program. So I talked to him about it. You know, we we talked about it and he was very supportive of it. He let me like let me, but you know, he understood like I had to do a lot of coaching on Saturdays and Sundays, you know, just for like an hour or two. Um, but still, it yeah, it impacts your schedule. And he was supportive of that. Um, so I finally sat for the national board exam and became board certified, which was a huge win. Yeah, it was a huge achievement for me. I don't know, it just had me kind of question one's career versus one's calling. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, the marriage sounded like it was great. You guys didn't have any fights really here and there, yes and no, lots of support through different job changes. So let's get into like what happened. Yeah. There's a saying, like, how many happy marriages end in divorce? The answer's just zero. Like, zero happy marriages end in divorce. And even as I sit here today, I can't really articulate what shifted. Yeah. It doesn't sound like any part of your story there was a major rub or blind spots that were that were came about all of a sudden. And people have asked me, what do you think it was? And at this point, I've stopped guessing. I've stopped spending time trying to figure it out. It kind of goes back to that New York Times article. I may never know. Right. And I have to accept that. Yeah. Okay. So it's hard to it's hard to talk about the what happened without rewinding the clock a little bit. During COVID, we stayed at my mom and former stepdad's house in Sarasota. Because it's like, wait a minute. Everybody's working from home. Why are we in Bentonville, Arkansas? Let's go live in Florida. So we were in Florida. I remember one day I was in the kitchen making us lunch, and he comes in after like a Zoom call. He comes into the kitchen and he goes, I was just like, go for a Walmart. And like I was shell-shocked. Yeah, because had anything been said up until no, he always got like exceeds, he's very good at his job. Yeah, very good at the corporate game, if you will. Um, now we kind of knew it might happen because his EVP left. And if you're in corporate America, you know that when a new EV comes in, typically they bring in their people. So we thought like it might happen, but the timing blindsided us. And so he said he was let go. And my the first thing out of my mouth was, What do you need from me? Which was an amazing wife response, by the way. Thank you. Like to be blindsided like that, and then to have that response, that's very like emotionally mature of you. Thank you. Yeah, he shared that uh with a mentor, and the mentor was like, That's a good woman right there. Yeah. Thank you. So that kicked off a job search process. And he was interviewing with a ton of different companies. He did have a Walmart non-compete though, and so we had to. I mean, we couldn't just like go to Target or you know, uh we couldn't go to a competitor, and he made way more money than I did. He was an executive at Walmart, yeah. Way more money. He was the breadwinner. So I I mean, I was working, but like I we have to kind of wait to to see where we land, you know, because you're the breadwinner. Uh, but that led us to a just a career leapfrog opportunity for him to be the chief supply chain officer of a fortune 500 company uh headquartered in Atlanta. And I had never been to Atlanta, uh aside from like getting to Atlanta like from Bentonville to Florida. Yeah, like the airport's great. I think he had gone for like guys trips or something, but I had never been to Atlanta. No friends, no family, no network there. But I was I was up for an adventure. It was such an amazing opportunity for him. And I was up for a new adventure, and so um we sold the home in Bentonville, we sold the lot in downtown Bentonville, and we picked up our stuff and we moved to Atlanta, Georgia. Uh and we lived in temporary housing at the time. So what year was this? So this would have been so we moved there in February of 2022. February 2022. Yeah. Okay. And so we would have been in executive housing, which the couch wasn't ours, the bed wasn't ours, the dishware, the cups, the plate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at like yes, yeah. We had our clothes, our books, our dog, things like that. But everything else was in the executive housing. Um, and we had bought a home kind of outside of Atlanta in suburban Atlanta. But it was a it was a new construction, so it wasn't gonna be done until around December. Okay. So basically the whole year at executive housing. So I moved to Atlanta. He's, you know, kind of going back into the office every day. Um I'm trying to pursue health coaching. And and this and this this move kicked off a plan that we had started to talk more seriously about. And that was for him to become a CEO somewhere. It was very, you know, like I talked about, careers are important to us. Yes, very driven. And I was A was totally supportive of his career. Um so much so that I knew like how stressful it is to be an executive at Walmart that I tried to make the home not very stressful. Because I I you don't need stressful work and stressful life, and I'm pretty easygoing anyway, but like I was just cognizant of how much stress the job puts on you. And at that point, I I was let go from my job because I couldn't work. Uh they wanted me in the office more often, and I couldn't do that. You know, my life was in Bentonville at the time, and then we moved to Atlanta and remote option. Uh, the the option to work remotely just wasn't uh available to me. So I was let go uh from my job, but I kind of saw it as a blessing in that I wanted to pursue health coaching full-time. My client in a new city. I got clients all over the US now. We Zoom, it's all virtual. And so this plan that he and I had talked about, uh him becoming a CEO, that requires moving every three to five years to the next best opportunity. Because he had seen enough Walmart leaders kind of do that rotation, right? Come in, do a couple of years, and then you're off to the next thing. And at that next company, you're there three to five years, and then you go to the next opportunity. So that I was signing up for like this hopping around in order for you to become CEO. And health coaching gave you the perfect opportunity because you could just pick up and move whenever you wanted. Exactly. It was extremely flexible to support his career pursuits. He was going into the office working, and I was at home trying to uh build this health coaching business in a city where I didn't have any family or friends. And so we would try to find things to do, you know, fun things to do on the weekend in the city. Atlanta has a lot to do, which is awesome. It's a great city. And then I guess there was a hidden landmine in the marriage that I didn't have any idea was there. And I stepped on it Labor Day weekend of 2022 in Nashville when we were visiting his daughter. We met his daughter for dinner, and then we came back, just he and I, you know, came back to the hotel and I had a couple of martinis, so I was feeling feeling good, you know. And I changed and put on this like coral lingerie. You have the best lingerie.

unknown 33:27

The best.

The Six-Point List Of Grievances

Fighting For Intimacy And Hope

Letters, Mixed Signals, Confusion

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Absolutely of how the night would go. And so I walk out of the bathroom and he's like on the bed on his phone, and I walk in front of him, and the the hotel had a patio. So I walk in front of him and I go out to the patio on the hotel wanting him to come out there and follow me and like let's get things started on the patio. I don't I don't know how long I was out there. Five seconds, five minutes, I don't know, but long enough for long enough, and he didn't come out there, and so I come back into the room and I'm like, what the hell? And the next thing I know, he throws his glass on the you know, his drinking glass on the patio ground, and he's yelling at me, I'm ungrateful. All I do is swipe the credit card, swipe, swipe, swipe. You left Sam's Club to go to Nevco and you left me. You're entitled, like all these things, and I have no idea where this is coming from. Right. Like no idea where this anger, this like pent-up anger is coming from. And so we talk, but I to be honest, like I didn't recall the conversation that night. You're probably in shock. Yeah. It's like, what is happening? Yeah, like I'm in coral, don't you ready here? And you're yelling at me, and you're throwing glasses, and you're like, Where is this not what I was thinking was gonna happen? Yeah. Um so we go to sleep, we wake up, I think we had sex that morning, um, but it's still like thick between us, you know. Drive home is silent, and then that Monday, so that would have been like Saturday, gave home Sunday, and that Monday of which would have been Labor Day, we had a um a calmer conversation about it. And I was like, it feels like we maybe need to consider therapy because we've got some knots to untangle, and I don't know if we can untangle them ourselves. And he just said something like, I don't know what therapy is gonna do. So not interested in pursuing therapy, which was a little odd because we had done therapy before. Right. So what is the switch now? So he kind of went through his six-point plan. The list of grievances against me. That made you feel really good. Yeah, the first one, I left Sam's club to go to Nevco. That was my parents' company, and I I I abandoned him for half the marriage. Okay. I was like, um, okay, half the marriage. We've been married for X number. I haven't been we I think we were married at like seven years at that point. I haven't been gone three and a half years, but you know, in his perception, half the marriage. And he didn't he supported you the whole time. We just talked about that. There was support only. There's no grievances during yeah, no, yeah. Um so that was like grievance number one. Okay. Two was I was no longer bringing in the money that I did when I worked at NEVCO. Like, yeah, because I got let go for your job so we could move to Atlanta. And oh, by the way, I don't have a network here in Atlanta. Right. I know zero people. I'll go get a job, but I know zero people, and we don't even know how long we're gonna be here. Right. Your non-compete is up in two years. It just so happened that this particular company, the its revenue fell like underneath Walmart's threshold. So it wasn't technically a competitor. Like that's how we we got here. Your non-compete's gonna be up in two years. And we've kind of talked about like what then? Like, where are we gonna go then? Because then the world's your oyster, like you can go anywhere. Yeah. So And don't forget that I've been working on my health coaching business, which you've been supportive of as well. And there were other um little comments that he had made when we were back in Florida. Um, when he found out that he got the job, he made comments like, the increase in my salary covers your salary. And when we sold, when we sold the lot in Bettonville, he said, the sale of that lot covers your salary. And then he made a uh like a jokey comment. And it was like, now I've got you. Meaning you're not working anymore. So now I've got you. Like in a jokey faithful context. So I took those comments as we're on the same page. Right. And then the third grievance, I'm not the person that I was when he met me 15 years ago. I I lost my corporate ambition. Ugh. And I to anybody who knows me knows that I'm like a type A achiever personality. And I said, I'm still ambitious, I'm just channeling it into something different, like a different career, not a corporate career. Um, that didn't seem to resonate with him though, and he just kind of clung to the words corporate, career-driven. Yeah. So, like a little bit aligned with that third point is you know, me not being the person that he fell in love with 15 years ago. It just was like, you used to like to go out and party and drink. Yeah, I I don't argue with that. You that was 27. Right. I'm 37. And I'm a health coach. Right. Guess what? Right. Alcohol is terrible for you. I've just lost half my listeners. Yeah. Oh, use three one. Take that one too. Oh, definitely use alcohol like when you're going through a divorce. Yeah. I've just lost half my listeners, but alcohol is terrible for you. I can't unknow that. Yeah, it's hard to unknow it. Yeah. And, you know, if I do some true self-reflection, I think I got a bit of an overindulgence problem with it as well. You know, it's hard for me to like just have one. Especially when you use it for stress. If you guys are stressed all the time with your work and you cooked with that. Yeah. Um, oh yeah, like those nights on the couch, there was always each out of drink. Oh, yeah. Definitely each out a drink. Absolutely. Every night. Right. Um, and I just I've I'm experiencing health challenges, my sleep is impacted. Yeah, I don't have the energy that I used to. And I'm in Atlanta where I know nobody. I I don't have any social outlet. Right. And so that's why he was like, that's why I stay at late at the Braves game as long as I can, because that's fun. And I just know you're at home, kind of in bed. And then he said, our intimacy is gone. Um you just had pink or coral laundry on. What are you talking about? It's like, given the three points above, he's like, maybe that's why I get so angry so fast, is because the intimacy is gone. And I'm like, okay, well, when you get home, you still work. You still have your laptop on your lap. Right. And yeah, we're watching a show or something, but you're working. And I am supportive, again, of your career that I'm not gonna nag you and be like, hey, let's spend an hour of time together talking, watching the show or talking and connecting. Yeah, I'm gonna let you work because you just started a new job at a new company. I get it. I get the hours that you have to put in. And then there's like the faith God thing. I, in the last few years, have grown in my faith, you know, through the health coaching, really feeling that that was like a deeper calling. I remember even having friends or having lunch with a friend, Jody, you know, our mutual friend. And at that point, it had been like three years, and I'm like bugging people with like health factoids, dropping health facts all the time. And she's like, maybe it's a God thing. And at that point it hadn't registered as that that's what it could be. And I was like, oh, maybe it is. And so, and then I went to Zambia and like go to a third world country and don't cut back a changed person, like in your faith. Oh my gosh. And we had started to to go to church in Bentonville. Um and he attended with you, and he attended with me. Yeah. Uh, and then COVID hit, and then we got, you know, that kind of just let world the world was different after that, obviously. But when we got to Atlanta, uh after a few months, I said I I wanted to find a church and he didn't want to. So that's fine. You know, I it's about each person's own relationship. I'm not gonna push it on you. Um, but again, a little odd because we were going to church back in Bettonville. So there was this like six-point plan. This this list of grievances that he had. And I was the the common denominator on all of them. And you've never heard any of these before. No, I carried around that so much guilt that I caused the marriage to get to this point. Yeah, everything is your fault. Ever everything is my fault. Everything he said is your fault. There's no ounce of taking any of that responsibility on himself. It's it's all my fault. So I carry all this guilt. And so I tried to do everything I could to save my marriage. I remember this. The only thing I had, I mean, I had you, I had my cousin Meredith, I had, you know, people in my life. Of course, my mom and my dad, like I had people in my life. But the outlet I had was a journal. So I started to keep a journal. I after that Labor Day weekend, that Tuesday, you know, the next Tuesday, I wrote in my journal for hours. And I just that became kind of like a daily practice. I documented everything. I've got a 300-page journal. I was gonna say how many pages is it? And it's typed out! It's in handwriting. It's like typed out single-spaced. So that journal, like I kept that during this entire period. So, which served me absolutely going through the divorce access. So, you know, advice or tip like you need an outlet. I'm a big fan of journaling. Yeah. So I I did everything I I could think of. I bought books, I found a counselor for me because he said he didn't want to go, so I found one for me. I remember buying this video series of like inside your man's mind. Oh so I watched that. Like I I even had like a list on my phone of like I would find all these articles of like how to improve intimacy in your marriage, and I would have like lists on my phone, and I would literally like check things off that I would do. How exhausting. It yeah, it's to not only like carry the guilt, but then also like the responsibility of like trying to get us back. Right. Yeah, it was awful. So that was early September. Okay. Um I tried to make every weekend like fun and sexy. Yeah, what are we doing this weekend? Fun and sexy, Abby is back, okay? And I remember one weekend Kevin Hart and Amy Schumer came into town. Um Kevin Hart was on Friday, Amy Schumer was on Sunday, and we went to dinner before Kevin Hart, and then went to Kevin Hart. I had drank. Um, and we were I would say back to normal. Was this like October? No, no, no. This is still September. September. Like mid-September at this point. Okay. And we went to a place for dinner, and I remember him, we had a couple of drinks. I wore this like super sexy outfit. We were crossing the street to go to our car to head to the Kevin Hart show, and he goes, he kind of held out his hand, and he was like, Hi, baby. Really soft. And I was like, Hi. And we like kissed on the corner of the street. Then when we got to the Kevin Hart show, um he like uh pulled up the armrest between us, and so I like snuggled in, and his hands were like all over me. Um then when we got home, we had like really good sex, and then that next Saturday was just kind of like a loungy recover day. It was still kind of it was different between us. Like I was hoping like back to normal, considering the night that we just had, but it was still different between us. And then Amy Schumer was the next night, and I wanted to try and recreate Friday night so bad. So we went to dinner before the show, and then uh we went to the Amy Schumer show, and then we got out like fairly early at like 8 30, and so we went to get a burger someplace and we were coming up from the burger place. It was a really good burger, by the way. He does love your burgers. We were like coming up from the place. He touched like the small of my back, and he was like, Did you not wear any underwear? And I pinned it, I like turned around and I pinned him against the wall, and I was like, Nope. And I kissed him hard, and then like one thing led to the other in the car, and we had sex that night as well. We had so much sex, like fun happy's back, yeah, so much like I am eager to please, easy to please. Like, I am just trying to not rock the boat, yeah, keep my marriage together. Like that is the that is getting all my energy right now. Um, and then a couple weeks past, it's late September, and I had like just gotten this eye surgery in one of my eyes. So I'd like to look like a pirate.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

Come on over here.

The Gala That Wasn’t

CrossFit, Another Letter, Decision

SPEAKER_00 49:16

I wake up and I see a letter on my laptop, and my heart and stomach like just drop out of your body. Because you know what that means, or what? Yeah, I mean you see a uh typed letter with your name on it on your laptop, and you're like, oh shit, what what is this? Yeah. And so I read it, and he kind of like reiterated the points from that Monday conversation. You know, he doesn't think we're compatible, you know, but just kind of reiterating those reasons. And I write a letter back. It takes me hours because I can see out of like one eye. So I'm trying to like read a letter and write a response and get my words right. You know, I love I love words. Like, why use 10 words when a hundred words will do? I love words. So I I spend like hours, I think even sent it to my cousin Meredith to kind of like look at proofread. And then I sent it back to him. I sent him my letter back. Basically countering all his points. Like, I this I'm blindsided by this. This makes no sense. These don't seem strong enough to end a 10-year marriage, a 15-year relationship. Let me just like counter every one of your points. Yeah. And oh, by the way, I love you. We took vows. Uh so he comes home that night, he gives me a hug. We go to dinner, I think. Have you already given him his letter? Yeah. He okay, so you sent his letter while he was at work. Oh, yeah, he was at work. Yeah, so he read it like later in the middle. So he comes and gives you a hug. Yeah. After reading the letter, yeah. He comes home, gives me a hug. I think we have sex that night. I'd have to go back to my journal. 2022. I call this period red light, green light. It is gear stripping to do this 180. I don't know what the day is gonna bring. I don't know if today is gonna be we're not compatible, or we're having sex, or I see us as friends, or we're having sex. Yeah. Like it is red light, green light. So that and and then we like went to or um the highlands in North Carolina, like we were taking trips also. So that took us to October. Okay, and I made it very clear during all of these conversations and letters that I do not want to get a Doris. I love you, I keep my promises, these are vows. And I try to explain, like, I think it's contextually around us, not us. Meaning, we're in a whole new city where we don't know anybody, we don't have our groups of friends. Um, you don't e you don't have like the guys that you can go out with each Wednesday that you used to do. I don't have friends here. All of our stuff is in storage, our bikes, our cooking equipment, like things that were just hobbies to us. We don't have any of that. Yeah, in executive housing, and you're starting a new job in a new company. I know you want to perform well, that's stressful. I was like, I was trying to make the case like it's everything around us. Right. It's not us, it's just a difficult period. And so I made it clear that I do not want a divorce. And I remember we had a conversation out on the patio of the apartment, and he said something, and then he was like, Who cares? About vows? Yeah, who cares? And I was like, I fucking care. Hello, yeah, your wife. I fucking care. And so I said, You've got a decision to make. I don't want this. And so he said, All right, I'll let you know what I decide. And so again, more red light, green light. We're still living together. We're still living together, okay. Yeah. Um, and that takes us to late February, okay, Halloween Eve, I think. Late October. Or I'm sorry, yes, yeah. Uh late October. Halloween Eve. Uh, maybe not Halloween Eve, yeah, but somewhere in October. Uh, we're supposed to go to a gala one Saturday. And uh let me just tell you about this gala. Okay, because I had the most amazing dress for this thing. This was the Natural History Museum gala. And a couple years prior, I found this amazing one-shoulder strap leopard print dress at an upper consignment shop for like 120 bucks. I tried it on and I'm like, I have no idea where I can wear this. It's like tool, it's black tool, it's amazing. It's beautiful, and and it's leopard print. It looked great on you. Like, that's wonderful. And I'm like, I don't know where I'm gonna wear this, but I'm gonna buy it for 120 bucks. Yes. Get it. Fast forward to like the summer before before Labor Day weekend, before all that, summer in Atlanta. We're at the Brains Game. His company has a suite, so we're there. And I started talking to, I think she was like the VP of an investor relations or something like that. Anyway, I start talking to her, and um she says something about a gala and the natural history museum, and my ears perk up. I'm like, oh, a place to wear the dress. Yeah, okay. So I work this girl all night, and my flirting paid off. Eventually she was like, I don't know how it got to this, but I'm probably like, and what are your philanthropic hobbies? And she goes something like, Do you like natural history? I'm like, I love natural course. So she was like, You guys should come. Like, in I got got the invite. So we were supposed to go to this gala. And he we're we're sitting side by side on the couch. I think I was doing some work. I thought he was doing some work, but then all of a sudden I get this email that comes to me. And he wrote me side by side. He wrote me another letter. Sent me an email. So I need to learn a cute chicken, you gave personal like so I like see it, I read it. I wish you would have been like, you need to read this to me. Read it to me right now. Megan, I I was trying to not rock the boat, though. Oh, that's that would have been conflict. Super conflict. Okay, yeah. Yeah, you're right. I like that idea though. Um, so you read it. So I read it, and then I he was like in the bathroom cleaning or something, and I'm like, I was literally about to go pick up my dress from the dry cleaner for tonight. And he was like, I I get it. So I left and then I called my cousin Meredith and like talked about. What did the letter say? Oh, it was just the same thing. It was the same. It's all the same points reiterated over and over. There's there's like some new points that he had like sprinkled in, whether through conversations or letters, of like the way you travel, like nitpicky stuff, the way you the way you travel with like all these bags and water bottles. I'm like I usually have the dog. So maybe you could hold the dog, and I could have one less bag. Yeah. And and the fact that like I like to listen to podcasts in the car and he likes to listen to music. Okay. He's reaching. Like reaching too much. Don't seem like compelling enough reasons to throw away a marriage. Right. And not work on it. Yeah. Not go talk about this in counseling. Yeah. Right. You want me to Okay, fine. I'll change the way I travel. Okay, we'll split the radio time. Like, okay. And and then, like, the the the corporate career-driven thing, actually. I said several times. I was like, okay, I'll just go find a job. Like, I was a VP of my last company. My resume's pretty good. I'll just find a job. But again, we don't know how long we're gonna be in Atlanta. Right. So, okay, I'll and I did that. I hired a resume writer. You know, we worked on my resume. I brushed up on some things. Like, I took those steps. I was like, pursuing health coaching is not worth ruining my marriage over. Right, right. And I took those steps. Um, so they just it it was just like reiteration of the same points, which is why I kept bringing up therapy and counseling. It's like we are just saying our same talk tracks over and over. Like therapy is gonna help us get deeper. And every time he was not interested in doing counseling or therapy. So I left to go pick up my dress, get a black clutch. And while I was out, he texted me that he didn't want to, given the state of kind of where things were at with us, he didn't want to go to the gala and be around work people. Um, and he didn't think it was gonna be that much fun. I'm like, speak for yourself. I've never met a gala I didn't like. Okay. We're spon.

unknown 58:57

Yeah.

Money, Snooping, And Verbal Abuse

Whiplash And The Final Break

SPEAKER_00 58:58

Okay, but he was like, but let's go to dinner. I'm like, fine, let's go to dinner. Again, I'm not rocking the boat. Right. True. Uh uh so we go to dinner or something. Then Halloween Eve, kind of the the morning of Halloween Eve. Um was a weekend. Okay. Uh, and so I decided to go to a CrossFit class. Oh, never, I know, never been to one in my life, but I had heard that CrossFit is a great way to just kind of meet people. You always hear about like the CrossFit community. I'm like, okay, that could be like in their health conscious, like that could be a way for me to for me to meet people. And so because my health is deteriorating at this point. I'm not eating. Um, like really, I'm not eating. Um I was like, Abby, you're the worst health coach in the world because you're not doing these things. My sleep is crap. I'm still meditating, like I still have a meditation practice. My stress levels are you know, are busting up the scenes. I'm trying to keep it all together. I I've lost probably 10-15 pounds at this point. And I'm skinny. Yeah, my you, my sister, or they were and people were like, you look really skinny, like concerningly skinny. And I was. But man, my abs were popping. Ab, Abby. That's right. My abs had abs. Okay. But again, not in a good anybody can get abs if you're not eating. Yeah. So but I go to this CrossFit class, I come back, and there's another letter on the kitchen island. And this one is I've made my decision. I see us as friends, I want to move forward separately. No mention of divorce. He has yet to say the word divorce. Oh. Okay. Like, it's always like synonyms, but I read the letter and I'm fucking pissed. Yeah. The fact that he again wrote in a letter and not wasn't like wasn't a man and told you to your face. Yeah. Yeah. Another letter. That that he gave like while I was out, so I came back and found it. Like, so I grabbed I'm a I'm a hoarder, I keep cards, I just keep things. And so I went around the apartment and I picked up the birthday card and the anniversary card and the Valentine's Day card, like all these cards, and I like freaking threw them across the room or threw them in the trash. Poor London was so scared. And then I was gonna throw them away. And then I was like, wait a minute, I might need these. Like something was like, maybe they go into these. And so I like fished him out of the trash and I got him. And I didn't, I didn't text him back for hours and hours and hours. And then finally he texted me, and he was like, I'm not sure what I should do. Should I, you know, happy to talk about it? Um should I stay at Airbnb? And I was like, Yeah, I think that's a good idea. And like, yeah. So we decided to talk the next day, which will be Sunday. I'm pissed, I'm angry, I still have guilt, so much guilt, I'm anxious, but then I'm also I'm all those things, but then I'm also trying to be empathetic and uh understanding uh to whatever he's going through. And so I gave myself a pep talk, I remember, on the way to to lunch with him, or brunch with him on that Sunday. I was like, Abby, you're a coach. This is a client, just be curious, let the client talk, just probe deeper, ask you know, curious questions, just treat him like a client. And so I went into that conversation, like mentally preparing myself to kind of be a coach, right? Just figure out like what's going on. And so again, same same reasons, I held my composure throughout it pretty good. Wow, yeah, and then we like got up to leave, and he gave me a hug goodbye. He like gave me a hug, and I remember holding the hug, and I just lost it. That's when I lost it, so I'm crying, and then I'm I'm yelling at myself stop, stop, stop it, like stop crying, and like literally, not in my head, like these this is out loud. I'm like yelling at myself, and I'm like kind of walking away from him, and he's kind of like trying to walk towards me. I just walked away and got in my car, and he got in his car, and we went our separate ways. Then later that night, um he called me and we talked, and he was like, I miss you. What? You're my best friend. This is the this is the red light, green light. This this is the I cannot believe you lived in this state for so long. This is the red light, green light of the push and the pull and and the feeling of hope and then you know grief, yeah, you know, hope and guilt. Like it's I'm a cocktail of emotions. Wow. And I remember it's I go to bed that night, I hear a knocking at the door at 145 in the morning at our at our front door of the apartment. Okay, and I hear the knocking like through the bedroom door at 145 in the morning, and it's him, and he couldn't get in because it's like a double latch. Uh so he had a key, but he, you know, I latched the other one and he couldn't get in. And he's at the door at 145 in the morning, and he's like, Can I stay here tonight? And um, and I say, Yeah, of course. Like, yeah, sleep, sleep in the bed. And so we slept in the bed together. And after your brunch. This is the night of your brunch. Um, yeah, yes, yeah. I'm just calling morning of. Okay. Um. And the next morning he's getting ready for work, and I got up and was like giving him a hug and a kiss. Because I again I'm trying to be more intimate. Right. Like, so that means getting up early to say bye to him, to even just have a few minutes with him in the morning, give him a Hug, give him a kiss. Yeah. And so I I like give him a kiss and he kind of like pulls away and he goes, I don't want you to think anything has changed. What? What? Like so this is We're getting whiplash from the back and forth. Yeah. Yes.

unknown 1:06:24

Oh my gosh.

Leaving And What Comes Next

SPEAKER_00 1:06:26

So Okay. That's that takes us to the end of October. So then in November, I had kind of just committed to myself, like you're just gonna do things on your own. Yeah. Um, so he was out at like some co-workers watching football or something. Well you were separated at this point. No, no, no, no. Oh, he was back living. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. And that was a just not come back for the night, but come back to live. Come back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He he Okay. But he still said we're don't get any ideas. He he was like, I still don't want you to think anything has changed. Okay. So we're still so he's back now. Okay. He came back. We're still going to bed together. We're still Okay. Bed sex. Like Oh, okay. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Megan. Wow. So much sex. Yeah. Even though he's like, no, no, no. Yeah. I don't want you get any ideas. Yeah. I'll use you, Abby, for your body, but I don't want any, I don't want you get any ideas. Wow. What a man. What a man. Where I don't judge other people because it's it was my marriage. Oh. I'm just trying to keep it together. 100%. Yeah. Okay. So then we fast forward to early November. He's at uh Coworkers for watching football or something. I had vowed to just kind of like do things by myself. Like I'm not gonna stay in the apartment with a thick air. So Georgia and Tennessee were playing each other in Athens. And I was like, I've never really I mean I've been to some Arkansas football games, but I've never really like been to like a big SEC game. And so I go to Athens and I just kind of like walk around the town, and it's insane, but um just walked around the town and uh you know watched like half of the game at this like beer garden or something, just kind of soaked up the tailgate experience and then came back. He still wasn't home, he wasn't back from football yet. Okay. Um, and so I looked, I looked up a comedy show and there was like a a late night comedy show, and so I went to that and I get a text told him at the comedy show, and he asks, How late are you gonna be out? When do you think you'll be back? I said, uh, probably like 11 or so. And so I come back around that time and he's still up, he's like on the couch, which is a little odd versus being in bed like at 11. Yeah, don't you want to like avoid your you know, because we weren't like texting throughout the hey, how's your day? Like it wasn't like that. Like, don't you want to avoid your wife? Go to bed early. But he's up, almost like waiting for me, watching TV on the couch. And so he asked me about Athens and the comedy show. And then there's not a great, there's not a great way to segue into this. And he just he got he asks me, I've got a materialistic question for you. Are you gonna go after half? And I I'm like, well, at that, at that point, I hadn't talked to a lawyer. Yeah, I had talked to a few friends who have been through it, and they all said the same thing. They they were all like, they pretty much just split it 50-50. Yeah. I mean, that's typically what they do. Yep. Um, but I hadn't talked to a lawyer, and so I responded almost like in a question tone. I was like, well, don't they just split everything 50-50? And this set him off. He yelled things like, You fucking cunt, you're gonna take half my money that I earned. I will piss on your grave. I can only hope somebody fucks you out of that money. You're just like every other bitch out there who thinks she's entitled to half when she didn't do anything. At that point, I froze. Yeah, because I mentioned kind of the trapdoors earlier in the conversation, and I he had had some anger management outbursts. I've stayed at your house before, yeah, because of his actions. Yes, and so I'd kind of been conditioned to just freeze. Yeah, because if I don't if I don't escalate with him, then we can't keep like clicking up the notches, if that makes sense. And he's already at like a nine. I don't know what happens after that. Yeah, he has smashed things before, he's lifted up end tables and smashed mirrored end tables on our living room floor. He has thrown his BlackBerry against my dad's brick fireplace, he has smashed our family iPad, he has smashed his sunglasses into the dashboard of the car with me in it. He has had those like outbursts before. And now you're talking about it's money. And he called me a cunt. Like that's a whole new level. Yeah. So I just froze. Or anybody like looking in at that moment, they would have been like, girl, grab your shit and leave. Yeah. And I don't disagree. But it was my marriage, and it it kind of happened before, and things would, you know, come down after that. So I do remember mentioning, like, I haven't talked to a lawyer. Like, don't they just I think I use the word shared assets, which not not common vernacular. Very lawyer-esque. And he was like, I know you've been talking to someone. And I, no, I haven't been talking to a lawyer. He's like, I know you have. Like, okay, how do you know that I have? Right. He said, Because I looked in your computer and I read a document between you and a guy named Scott where he's talking about shared assets. Oh. Oh, okay. So you asked me how late I was gonna be out. So that he could so that you could have time to get into my password-protected computer that was not like the family computer. Right. Like it was my Abbey England wellness computer that was password protected. Yeah. And you rifled through several layers of folders or went to Word recent documents where I had taken some notes in a conversation with my friend Scott, who has been through a divorce and shared along with my friend, uh, two other friends where I had taken some notes. Right. So, oh, okay. Yeah, you you hacked into my stuff and found my notes. Yeah. That's how you know. So we went somehow we went to bed that night. I mean, this is like one and two in the morning. It's late. Yeah. We went to bed that night. The next morning, we like continued to talk. I think I go to church, I come, I then I went to Whole Foods, I come back, and he comes up behind me as I'm putting stuff away, putting groceries away. He comes up behind me and he gives me a hug and he says, I don't know how to love you anymore. And I turn around and I give him a hug back and I whisper in his ear, Yes, you do. So then, like, you know, we're in the same bed. Yeah, and we're having sex. Green light, red light, green light, red light, green light. And then it becomes mid-November, and he's in Arkansas visiting some friends, and I call him and I'm like, Where's your head at? Yeah. And he said, I just don't see us being compatible long term. I said, Okay. So I knew I had about 24 hours before he got home. And at that point, I talked to my mom, my stepdad, my cousin, and they were all like, leave. There is no way you can uh actually, I had left the the cut part out of the conversation, and when I told them that, they were like, Leave. Yeah, get out of there. You cannot go through a divorce in the same apartment. Get out. Yep. Um, and and my cousin, who's like a spiritual mentor, what was like, Abby, he's already abandoned the marriage. Like biblically, you can leave. Yeah, he's abandoned you. Like, go. So I packed up my clothes, my dog, my books, my rollerblades, you know, just the things. All the essentials. Yeah, the essentials, yeah. My I mean, even like car paperwork. Like I grabbed it all, and somehow, by the grace of God, it all fit in my car. True. Barely. And then, yeah, and then you drove. And then I drove to to Sarasota. Yeah. So that was mid-November. And um. Uh and you would think that the red light, green light ends there. But it doesn't. It doesn't. Thanks for listening to Bitter or Better, where we turn heartbreak into healing and survival into strength. As Brene Brown says, vulnerability is the last thing we want to show, but the first thing we look for in others. That's what this is all about. Real people showing up, sharing their stories, and reminding the rest of us that we're not alone. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. And remember, you have a choice better or better. See you next time for more real stories, real people, and real resilience.